You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead.
---------------------------------------
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
Wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
-----------------------------------------
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
-------------------------------------------
When a woman steals your husband,
There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
--------------------------------------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.
-------------------------------------------
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
A man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
--------------------------------------------
Then there was a woman, who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late.'
---------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
----------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and
Pay strict attention to every word you say...
Talk in your sleep.
-----------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Fishing in Canada
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to Go fishing up in>Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box?
We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up." "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, Did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I Asked you to do?"
The wife replied,
"I did... THEY'RE IN UR FISHING BOX............. "
Polish Joke
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.
L: I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.
L: I mean. What are your relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland .
L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I always up before her.
L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.
L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She going to kill me.
L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.
L: What kind of proof?
P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
L: Have you any grounds?
P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
P: It made of concrete.
L: I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
P: No, we have carport, and not need one.
L: I mean. What are your relations like?
P: All my relations still in Poland .
L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
L: Does your wife beat you up?
P: No, I always up before her.
L: Is your wife a nagger?
P: No, she white.
L: Why do you want this divorce?
P: She going to kill me.
L: What makes you think that?
P: I got proof.
L: What kind of proof?
P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'.
Monday, September 15, 2008
The Power of Positive Talk
I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did… fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Exercise:
Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did… fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.
Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.
Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Exercise:
Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Richest guy by 2009 - ORKUT
A guy lost his girlfriend in a train accident.....but the gal's name nowhere appeared in the dead list. This guy grew up n became IT technical architect in his late 20?s, achievement in itself!!
He hired developers from the whole globe and plan to make a software where he could search for his gf through the web..
Things went as planned...and he found her, after losing millions of dollars and 3 long years!!
It was time to shut down the search operation, when the CEO of Google had a
word with this guy n took over this application,
This Software made a whopping 1 billion dollars profit in its first year,
which we today know as ORKUT.
The guy's name is ORKUT BUYUKKOTEN Yes its named after him only. Today he is paid a hefty sum by Google for the things we do like scrapping.He is expected to b the richest person by 2009.
ORKUT BUYUKKOTEN today has 13 assistants to monitor his scrapbook & 8 to
monitor his friends-list. He gets around 20,000 friend-requests a day & about 85,000 scraps!!!
Some other Cool Facts about this guy:
* He gets $12 from Google when every person registers to this website.
* He also gets $10 when you add somebody as a friend.
* He gets $8 when your friend's friend adds you as a friend & gets $6 if
anybody adds you as friend in the resulting chain.
* He gets $5 when you scrap somebody & $4 when somebody scraps you.
* He also gets $200 for each photograph you upload on Orkut.
* He gets $2.5 when you add your friend in the crush-list or in the hot-list.
* He gets $2 when you become somebody's fan.
* He gets $1.5 when somebody else becomes your fan.
* He even gets $1 every time you logout of Orkut.
* He gets $0.5 every time you just change your profile-photograph.
* He also gets $0.5 every time you read your friend's scrap-book & $0.5 every time you view your friend's friend-list.
Sujata Burla's Story
Sujata Burla's life took an ugly turn on June 9, 2001. On a pilgrimage to Shirdi, where the Sai Baba temple in Maharashtra is located, from Hyderabad, she met with an accident.
Four months later, the doctors and physiotherapists treating her told her she could not walk for the rest of her life. The accident had turned her into a paraplegic. It meant Sujata was immobile below the shoulders. She was just 21.
Soon people who she thought were her friends abandoned her and Sujata was left alone. Compounding her tragedy was her father's death in March 2004. Not one to be easily cowed down by her circumstances, she started learning about the stock markets that year.
Now she trades like a pro and earns anywhere between Rs 200,000 and Rs 250,000 every month. On a day like Wednesday, September 19, 2007, when the Nifty was up 186 points, Sujata made a cool Rs 600,000 in a single day. She has still not sold her position.
"I expect the Nifty to touch 4800 in the next two, three trading days. I will sell my position then," Sujata told this correspondent in a telephone conversation from her home in Hyderabad.
Sujata moves around in a wheelchair and does not regret this fact. Financial independence is what she strove for and that is exactly what she has got through sheer determination and discipline.
How do you cope with such a trauma?
Before, I could not even write or type. Now I have got used to it. I can easily type and trade on my computer and laptop.
In the first four months after my accident I did not even know I would never be able to walk again. I went into a depression feeling that this was the end of life for me.
Does your condition make you dependant on others?
I am the kind of person who doesn't like to depend on anybody -- whether financially, physically or mentally. So, it was very tough for me to physically depend on somebody. I soon realised that financial independence could get me much more freedom in life.
So I started thinking how I could earn money. I worked with my sister, who is a fashion designer, and learned a bit about it. I soon started a textile workshop where I employed 10 people. However, the workers took undue advantage of my physical disability leading to losses. Since I wanted to be independent I started moving towards stock market trading. The textile workshop business is now my secondary business.
How did you get into the stock markets?
I realised that if at all I have to succeed in life I would have to do something for which I don't have to depend on anybody. Through a friend of mine I came to know about the stock markets in 2004. It took me almost a year to understand the various nuances of the stock market and it was in 2005 that I actually started trading.
What was your first trading/investment experience like?
My first investment was in blue chip companies like Reliance Industries [ Get Quote], Hero Honda, ACC and IDBI. However, the Rs 100,000 that I invested did not earn me any returns. It was my first investment and I did not know when to sell or the right time to sell my stocks. That learning experience helped me to hone my skills in the stock markets.
How much do you make from trading in stocks now?
My turnover for a month is over Rs 3 crore. But my actual investment is only Rs 15 lakhs. I make anywhere between 10 to 15 per cent per of this investment per month. It is like I earn 20 to 30 per cent sometimes and lose 10 per cent at other times. This takes my average monthly return to 10 to 15 per cent every month of my total investment of Rs 15 lakhs.
Could you share your success mantras for our readers?
- Read all the advice that you get from various business television channels, newspapers, friends who understand the stock markets but be extremely cautious and disciplined when you act on this advice.
- Never extend your trading bets beyond your means. I speak to my friends; get investment and trading ideas from my brokerages (she is registered for online trading with Reliance Money, Indiabulls [Get Quote ] and Kotak Securities).
How would you identify yourself as a stock market player?
I am a short-term trader; I am surely not a long-term investor.
Do you trade intra-day?
Well, if my bets appreciate considerably then I take home my profits on the same day. Otherwise, I wait for my investments to bear at least 7 to 8 per cent returns before I actually sell it.
Intra-day trading, though, is very risky as most traders tend to burn their fingers trying to time the market. And I have lost quite a bit of money trading intra-day in the cash market, believe me.
How much have you deposited with all these brokerage companies?
As I told you earlier, my total deposit with all the three brokers is Rs 15 lakhs. Using this amount I buy Call Options within my overall limits. There is no concept of margin money in options. Whatever money I have earned till now is only through Option trading. You can do risk-less trading in Options using a small amount.
As a safe strategy I never write a Put Option. Put Options are very risky. That way I am a very safe trader. In Puts I can even make 50 per cent a month on my investments; but then I can lose the same amount too. My principle is if I make money I make it; I shouldn't lose money at all.
I usually write a Call Option on the Nifty. I am always long (buying first and then selling at a higher price to make profit) on the markets and whenever the market is too overbought I wait for the markets to cool down.
The last two days turned out to be very good for the stock markets. How much did you make in these two days?
Actually, it is celebration time for me. I made 80 per cent returns today (September 19, the Nifty was up 186 points or 4.09 per cent). Most of the Nifty Calls went up by 80 per cent today. However, I did not invest the entire Rs 15 lakhs because I am sitting on a bit of cash as the markets have run up too fast in the recent past. I invested only 50 per cent of Rs 15 lakhs on which I made an 80 per cent return ( Editor's note: That's a cool Rs 600,000; don't rub your eyes in disbelief; you read it right!).
However, there are times when I lose a big amount of money in trading. Such gains happen only once in a lifetime. The losses that I make during the year sort of offsets such gains.
But remember that these things don't happen every other day. I have still not booked my profits. I am still holding on my positions. I plan to sell them after a day or two because I feel that the markets can still go up -- at least for the next two, three days -- based on the strong momentum. I am expecting the Nifty to go up to 4800 at least.
Actually, the target given by one of my brokerage houses is 4900 but I am going to book profits at 4800 levels. Too much greed is also not good, is it?
Moreover, it is the festive season and Diwali is just round the corner. Normally, the markets go up during Diwali. There will be some profit booking (a situation when a trader sells her/his stocks at a profit ) tomorrow and the day after that but the general mood is likely to remain bullish till Diwali. I don't expect a market crash or correction till Diwali.
Do you stay with your family?
I stay with my mother and cousin Priya. My father passed away on March 20, 2004. I have a sister and two brothers but they are all married and lead separate lives.
Do you have friends?
Before the accident I had many friends but they all ran away after my accident. They were all false friends. People like this go where there is money, success and happiness. People like these don't chase failures.
After my accident I have a different set of friends. I have a few friends now but they are my true friends. They have been with me through my bad times. They really care for me. I can count Pradeep and Ashish amongst my true friends now.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
7 secrets of success
I found the answers in my room:
Roof Said: Aim High
Fan Said: Be Cool
Clock Said: Every minute is precious
Mirror Said: Reflect before you act
Window Said: See the world
Calendar Said: Be up-to-date
Door Said: Push hard to achieve your goals
Roof Said: Aim High
Fan Said: Be Cool
Clock Said: Every minute is precious
Mirror Said: Reflect before you act
Window Said: See the world
Calendar Said: Be up-to-date
Door Said: Push hard to achieve your goals
Monday, September 8, 2008
Why GOD allows pain?
This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering....
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that poor man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! Tell me how can I help the poor man outside, if he does not come to me?" "Exactly!" affirmed the customer, "that's the point!"
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that poor man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! Tell me how can I help the poor man outside, if he does not come to me?" "Exactly!" affirmed the customer, "that's the point!"
Dont copy if you cant paste!!
A popular Motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause continued!
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause continued!
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
Why men don't write advice columns
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady .
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs... Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady .
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs... Sheila Usk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
Saturday, September 6, 2008
An amazing Love Story
He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please,let me go home....
Suddenly he asked the waiter. 'would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.'
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: 'when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there'. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home,
has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice
talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee e, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: 'My dearest,please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said
to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again'.
Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 see but 2 understand, not 2 hear but 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends..
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he
cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'
Suddenly he asked the waiter. 'would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.'
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: 'when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there'. While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home,
has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice
talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee e, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: 'My dearest,please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said
to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again'.
Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 see but 2 understand, not 2 hear but 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends..
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he
cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'
Friday, September 5, 2008
Interesting Facts About Bangalore
1. Bangalore has the impeccable record of highest growth within a span of 20 Years
2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia.
3. Bangalore has highest number of ©igarette $mokers in India.
4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India-212, followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the Silicon Valley of India
5. Bangalore has 21 engineering colleges, which is highest in the world in a given city. Bangalore University has 57 Engineering colleges affiliated to it,
which is highest in the world.
6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and defense Airport operating from the same strip.
7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government Organizations
in India.
8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.
9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population (i.e.Kannadigas) .Hence a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians, 14% Telugites, 10% Keralites, 8%
Europeans, and 6% a mixture of all races.
10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India after Delhi.
11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in India.
12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.
13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris.
15. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.
16. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered for Nobel Prize nominations.
17. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except Gulf).
18. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and Dogs.
19. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people are bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore!!
2. Bangalore has highest number of pubs in Asia.
3. Bangalore has highest number of ©igarette $mokers in India.
4. Bangalore has the highest number of software companies in India-212, followed by Hyderabad - 108, Pune - 97. Hence called the Silicon Valley of India
5. Bangalore has 21 engineering colleges, which is highest in the world in a given city. Bangalore University has 57 Engineering colleges affiliated to it,
which is highest in the world.
6. Bangalore is the only city in the world to have commercial and defense Airport operating from the same strip.
7. Bangalore has highest number of public sectors and government Organizations
in India.
8. Bangalore university has highest number of students going abroad for higher studies taking the first place from IIT-Kanpur.
9. Bangalore has only 48% of local population (i.e.Kannadigas) .Hence a true cosmopolitan with around 25% Tamilians, 14% Telugites, 10% Keralites, 8%
Europeans, and 6% a mixture of all races.
10. Bangalore police has the reputation of being second best in India after Delhi.
11. Bangalore has the highest density of traffic in India.
12. Bangalore has the highest number of 2-wheelers in the world.
13. Bangalore is considered the fashion capital of east comparable to Paris.
15. Bangalore has produced the maximum international sportsmen in India for all sports ahead of even Mumbai & Delhi.
16. Bangalore has produced the maximum number of scientists considered for Nobel Prize nominations.
17. Bangalore has produced the highest number of professionals in USA almost 60% of the Indian population abroad is from Bangalore (except Gulf).
18. Bangalore is famous for THREE: Software Professionals, Girls and Dogs.
19. Bangalore is famous for its dog bites, an average of 12 people are bitten by stray dogs per MINUTE somewhere in Bangalore!!
Singh is King
Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Doctor( in frustration) :Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!
Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga Doctor : Abe teri... @#$! ^&*!
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